The Voice Inside
by FloofyFox
Summary: Its haunted him all his life. Was quietened by hope, fed by guilt. Then, it was gone all together. But now, it was back, and he didn't know why. Rated for some angst.
1. Chapter 1

**Just a note, this is set in Dragons Riders of Berk time, just to avoid any confusion.**

* * *

"Auurgh," the back of Hiccup's throat gurgled irritably as he slammed his head on his table, sending Toothless' head shooting up from his position on the ground. The dragon warbled in confusion, as Hiccup sighed deeply, looking up at his countless invention plans pinned, decorating his wall like a gallery.

The humid air clung to him, increasing the boy's frustration as he shoved his chair back away from his table, also stranded with plans, sinking as he stared at the ceiling.

Toothless hummed once again, getting up from his position near the entrance to the room and peeking his head around the wooden door frame, sending Hiccup and inquiring look. The boy tilted his head, more like rolling it along the back of the chair, looking at Toothless with a despaired face. He sighed again, as Toothless cocked his head and cooed in confusion, not helping the heir's mood.

"I don't have _anything_ to do," Hiccup complained, rolling his shoulder gingerly popping it in the process.

Toothless sat in the doorway, huffing and snorting softly at his friend's predicament.

"No, I don't feel like drawing you again," Hiccup rolled his eyes, chuckling lightly at his friend's unimpressed look. The dragon tried once more with a rolling trill of his tongue, bringing his tail into view of his rider. Hiccup's eyes roved over his contraption, finding no particular thing he could add or improve. He pushed a sharp breath through his nose, head scanning back to the empty page that was wavering open in front of him.

Blank.

Like Hiccup's mind.

He groaned, rubbing his temples as his head throbbed to a slow rhythm. After dealing with the twins and Snotlout running around screaming during training, he would be quite surprised at the death of his ever growing headache. The reason why he came to his private little room in the first place, he had planned to relax and do something to ease away his stress of duties and organising classes, which proved fruitless.

The pages, which usually were inviting, seemed to tease the teen at his lack of something to do, fuelling his anger slightly. Which was stupid, getting angry at a book for being empty.

Unless, he was angry at something else…

 _That's stupid_ , he lightly shook his head, tossing the incoming thought back to the shadows. _What would I have to be angry about?_

A sharp huff from Toothless brought Hiccup blinking back into reality, as his dragon thumped his tail against the floorboards, as if to ask if he had made up his mind about fixing his tail.

"There's nothing I can do, bud! Not unless I have inspiration, which is the _last_ thing I have at the moment," he protested, tiredly dragging himself out of his chair and plodding towards the dragon. Toothless sagged with hindrance at the prospect of leaving the cosy room for the hustle and bustle of the village.

Hiccup, seemingly reading his mind, rolling his eyes patting the dragon's rough head.

"I know bud, but the more people there are, the more options we have," Hiccup reasoned, strolling out of the room into the heated forge, with a bitter Toothless in tow. The heat blasted the pair like a blanket, making Hiccup subconsciously rub his forehead as he started to sweat. He quickly walked past the benches stranded with tools, making sure to avoid the faint singing on one of the back benches, the song and snippets of Gobber's ditty drifting to his ear.

They walked outside, sucking in the fresh air gratefully, continuing their journey for activity.

The auburn haired boy glanced around at the routines of everyday life in the village, the normality comforting him that everyone was safe and well.

 _Well, most people anyway,_ I voice slithered its way into his mind, making the boy stiffen as he halted in front of some stands. He hadn't heard that voice in a while. It had taken more time off every since he met Toothless, and even a vacation ever since he defeated the Red Death and made amends with his dad.

 _So, why am I back again, runt?_

Hiccup drew a quick intake, as Toothless nudged his hand worriedly. A passer by greeted him with a quick nod of his head, however looking a little confused at Hiccup's sudden stop. Said boy ignored the other Viking, letting him on his way with a tainted attitude at Hiccup's rudeness.

However that didn't matter in the boy's little world. At the moment, the nagging voice in his head was the main problem, and Toothless seemed to sense this as he glanced around for some help. He returned his concerned gaze back to his rider, who seemed to have been shot with invisible ammunition. This startled the dragon, since he couldn't understand what exactly had hit his Hiccup so deeply. Everything had been so fine, so perfect.

So _normal._

But there was still something.

The charcoal companion cooed, nudging once again, helping to set Hiccup's gears turning once again, freeing him from whatever jammed them in the first place.

"I-I'm fine, bud," he murmured, feeling for the top of Toothless' saddle with his hand. "Let's go for a ride, it's just about sunset,"

The dragon bended down, as Hiccup eased himself on top, still slightly distracted. They lifted off, as a villager shouted in frustration at the sudden wind which knocked his fine china off a stand.

* * *

Hiccup shifted in his seat, a faraway look and a glint of the sunset in his eye. The light shrouded the two with an orange mist as they skimmed the ocean, as stars began to blink into view, twinkling at they dotted the ocean.

Toothless moaned, trying to get his rider's attention and perhaps go a little faster, since they were still at a gliding pace, the equivalent of a horse's trot.

Hiccup glanced down at his friend, who looked back up, giving a light flap of his wings. They held eye contact, until the boy sighed, for the seventh time that day. He looked ahead of them, as Toothless shook his head in worry, leaning to the right to just brush past a sea stack, packed with a family of seagulls. They continued on in silence, at a pleasant speed, even through Toothless' wish of going faster and a little crazier. However, he sensed Hiccup had something nagging at his mind, and settled to drift along the clouds, heading back to the village.

"I'm sorry, bud, I just didn't feel it today," Hiccup apologised, as they landed on a sea stack, scattering a few birds.

"I just-"

 _Just what? Just want to be better for everyone?_ The voice quipped in, sending another round of quick breaths on Hiccup's part.

 _What do you want?_ The rider snapped inside his head, trying to find the hole he had to patch in order to get the voice out.

 _I want you to be honest with yourself,_ it whispered back, sending chills down Hiccup's spine. The boy inched more closer to Toothless, who had started to watch the last rays of the sun shrink away in farewell, leaving the sky sprinkled with stars and galaxies.

 _What is there to be honest about?_

 _Yourself. Your status. Your life,_ the voice snipped back.

 _I don't understand…_

 _Of course you do. You've understood your whole life, you can understand now. Don't try and hide from the truth behind that dragon, because in the long-term, he's nothing against it._

 _Toothless is a billion times more than you!_

 _At least I'm the truth._

Hiccup refused to listen anymore, his curiosity burned. He snuggled closer to Toothless, who yawned tiredly. The boy glanced at the place where the orange smudge has originally been, and then back at the village which was dusted with candles and controlled fires.

He sniffed, as the coolness set in through his clothes, reminding him how late it was.

"W-we should get going," he said, shaking his limbs as he shoved himself up from his sitting position on the rock.

Toothless detected the stutter, cooing at Hiccup in question before he let him climb on. The heir shook it off, hopping on before Toothless could move again. If a dragon could sigh, he would have at this moment, at Hiccup's stubbornness and persistence in declaring everything was fine, even when it clearly _wasn't_.

"Let's go, bud," Hiccup murmured, giving Toothless a soft nudge to the side. The dragon begrudgingly obeyed, setting off into the night, back towards the twinkling candles.

* * *

 _Say it, admit it, you know it will happen. There's no point in hiding it!_

 _Hiding_ what _?!_

 _The_ truth _!_

What _truth?_

 _You're more stubborn than you admit._

 _How can I be stubborn for not knowing something?_

 _You're stubborn for not admitting something!_

 _Fine! If I don't admit it then tell me!_

 _Why should I tell you if you already know!_

 _BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW!_

Hiccup clutched the sword he was sharpening, his knuckles go more white than the blade's glare. He took shallow breaths, determined not to let Gobber get a hint of his internal struggle. He shot a glance over at the blacksmith, who was currently occupied in melding some more blades for the new swords. He was whistling happily, completely unaware of Hiccup's change in moods, relieving the boy for a little while.

A little while, until the voice was back.

 _You do, though._

 _Do what?_ He asked, irritated that it wasn't giving up.

 _You know. How you're going to be left as soon as everyone figures they don't need you for anything else, that they can handle the dragons without you. Better without you._

 _That's not definite!_

 _So you admit you're scared about it._

 _I'm scared about it, but-_

 _If you're scared, you admit you know. I win._

 _…_

 _Like always,_ the voice whispered, weaving the doubt into Hiccup's conscience like a cold needle.

Those words echoed, refusing to go away, as the darker times, times before Toothless and acceptance returned, haunting him along with the reprimanding voice lodged inside his mind. Those times, that had been _normal_ to him, which made Hiccup seethe with disgust upon _thinking_ about. They were back, along with his dark side.

"Careful wit' that sword, lad. Yo gonna sharpen it till' Brokkr'll cringe!" Gobber sliced into Hiccup's thoughts, snapping the heir out of his angry daze.

"T-the dwarves of blacksmithing?" he stammered, looking up at his teacher's beaming face.

"Well, yeah. Of course, Sindri'll also wanna have a say at how sharp it is, since they're brothers after all," Gobber started babbling on about the dwarves of Svartalfheim, Hiccup zoning out as he absentmindedly finished sharpening the blade, setting it down on the table beside him, picking up another. The smith returned to his work, still explaining his story despite Hiccup's inattentiveness.

"And they left, no' after sewing Loki's mouth shut o' course, they needed _something_ back from tha' trickster!" the blacksmith concluded, as Hiccup grew out of his haze.

"O-oh, that's nice," Hiccup replied, as Gobber stretched, setting down the now finished mace next to Hiccup's sword.

He grabbed the weapons, hanging them up in their storage. Gobber winced as the extra sharp blade Hiccup had sharpened sliced a bit of his shoulder, sending a little trickle of blood.

"Are you alright?!" Hiccup panicked, racing over to Gobber as the blacksmith started to wipe the blood away.

"O', no big deal, jus' a scratch," he assured, not really making Hiccup feel any better.

"I'm sorry, you warned me I should stop sharpening it and I didn't listen," the teen bit his lip as the last of the small bit of blood was wiped away.

 _Good job screw up. Just add that to the list of reasons for being kicked out._

"Ach, don't act so paranoid. I've lost an arm and leg for Thor's sake!" Gobber waved his hook in Hiccup's face for good measure, convincing him the tiniest bit.

"But still, sorry," Hiccup apologised under his breath, shifting awkwardly as the stupidness of his outburst started to sink in.

"O' don' worry lad," Gobber rolled his eyes, glancing at the sun's position outside the window. "Actually, yo can have an early leave, if yo want. Now scat, ge' outta my sight!" he waved, teasing Hiccup in a light tone.

 _He doesn't even want you near him now!_

 _Oh come on, that's not even convincing!_ Hiccup argued with the voice, hooking his apron on to a spare hook and throwing his vest on.

 _You don't need a lot of convincing,_ the voice hissed back.

 _It's right… I don't need much convincing, I just rush blindly into something, screwing it up…_ Hiccup whipped his head side to side, realising the trap the voice had set. _No! You will_ not _think like that anymore, you're beyond that now!_

 _Are you really, runt? Because if you are, why am I back?_

 _I-_

 _That's right, keep denying. But don't blame me when the 'I told you so's' begin!_

"Toothless? Where are you, bud?" Hiccup called into the clearing, glancing around to look for his dragon who had taken residence outside the forge, shielded in the shadowed areas.

Soon enough, a shadow detached itself from the rest, and Toothless came skulking out, a tad bit annoyed with the heat and absence of his rider. He stopped at Hiccup's feet, wings sagging with fatigue and then relief as Hiccup massaged his neck for a brief moment. The dragon warbled sadly as the session ended with the boy climbing on to his back, shooting a pitying look down at Toothless.

 _Another person you disappoint._

"L-let's go bud," Hiccup stammered at the sudden thought, pressing his dragon forward, on to the academy.

* * *

"Hey Hiccup, I didn't think you would come today," Astrid waved over at him, Hiccup swinging his leg down to walk up to her, across the ex-dragon killing arena.

"Eh, Gobber set me free," he chuckled, still a little nervous and shaken with his argument with himself.

 _Sad isn't it?_

 _Shut up._

"Shouldn't Stoick know if you're not locked up?" Tuffnut sniggered, coming up from behind with his twin in tow. They thumped heads at the burn, receiving a glare from Astrid and eye roll from Hiccup.

 _Might as well, Useless._

 _Okay, what's your problem?_

 _That you aren't doing anything helpful, and are going to be kicked out,_ the voice stated nonchalantly.

"So, what do you guys want to do? _Other_ than locking each other up," Astrid shot a warning glower at Ruffnut who had her mouth open to stat listing their options.

"What about a race, to test our skills so far?" Hiccup asked, ignoring Tuffnut who had also tried to cut in. He faced Astrid, who slowly nodded in agreement, hand resting on her hip.

"That could work,"

"Cool. Should we ask Fishlegs and Snotlout to join?"

"Nah, Fishlegs is busy pouring over the Book of Dragons and fixing it up with new facts, and Snotlout… we better leave that unsaid," the shield-maiden stated, squeezing a small laugh out of Hiccup.

"Fair point,"

"So how 'bout we start at Hooligan Harbour and race to Puffin Point?"

"Sounds good. Ruff, Tuff, what do you guys think?" he inquired, turning back to the twins who had been arguing about how to lock Hiccup up best. Upon hearing this, they turned, looking unimpressed at the track of the race.

"Sounds safe,"

"Won't do,"

"Way too boring,"

"We can go to the Madman's Gully if you accept," Astrid prodded, making Hiccup a little shifty at the proposition.

"Awesome!"

"Totally race worthy!"

 _Great place to take the twins. Their gonna get killed, you're going to be blamed for screwing up again, the rest is history._

 _Why are you so paranoid about me screwing up?!_

 _Because that's all you've done your whole life! Don't throw away the chance you have just gotten!_

"I'll take that as a yes," the blonde smiled, looking over at her friend whose eyebrows were furrowed, arms crossed. Worry flitted through her eyes, but was washed away when Hiccup snapped out of his hypnotized state.

"H-huh? Oh, yeah that'll be fun," he offered them a light smile, which still didn't convince the warrior. She would have asked, if it hadn't been for Barf and Belch charging through the pair, and towards the entrance, whooping at the fun they would have at Madman's Gully. This sparked a question in Astrid's brain, making her wonder why Hiccup would allow them to go to a place so dangerous, especially with the twins at hand. He would never give permission, he was always so worried. She was just about to ask him when he whistled for Toothless, proceeding to take off after the unstable Zippleback.

* * *

 **Hey guys, what's up? So I have been itching, just** ** _itching_** **to write some angst. I have also been reading a really angsty story, which really featured Hiccup's inner voice. So, I just wanted to kind of expand on that concept, and yeah.**

 **It was originally meant to be a one-shot, but I got a little** ** _too_** **into it, so it's going to be a short story, probably (hopefully) no longer than 5 chapters.**

 **I hope you enjoyed this first part, and I shall update soon, since I'm also free. Whoo!**

 **~FloofyFox**


	2. Chapter 2

"Will he be okay?!"

"Of course. Just one broken rib, should heal in a month,"

"A _month_?! B-but the academy!"

"He can't ride, Hicc, he's too weak,"

"B-but then _I_ can't ride!"

"Ruff, your brother is _injured_! Think about him, not just you!"

"But Hiccup worried about the academy more than Tuff! Maybe _he_ should be more considerate!" with that the female twin stomped off, out onto the balcony of Gothi's hut, leaving a despaired Hiccup and irritated Astrid behind, tending to an unconscious Tuffnut.

 _She's right. You screw up and let him get hurt, then worry about your stupid academy! What kind of person are you?!_

 _I was worried he wouldn't be able to fly, and then Ruff wouldn't be able to join the academy and-_

 _And excuses, excuses, excuses. Face the truth, runt, you've screwed up._ Big _time! I told you to do something helpful but no, go racing in_ Madman's _Gully instead! Fitting name is the only thing coming out of this!_

Hiccup winced, rubbing his shoulder self-consciously as the events of before flashed through like a Changewing. Tuffnut's moan didn't make it any better, getting the tears to prick in the back of the heir's eyes.

 _They had been racing through Madman's Gully, first starting at the very end, and just then been returning to the start, the finish line._

 _Madman's Gully had been named because only a Madman would sail a ship there, with all the rocks protruding from the raging ocean, the mist sprayed limiting any hope of not hitting a sea stack and sinking like the Titanic._

 _The same could be said for flying, since the raging ocean was caused by the equally raging winds, which rapidly tore through the water, unsettling it in the worst way. As you got closer to the end, the cliff walls narrowed, slowly at first, and then at a point shrinking until it barely gave any breathing or wing space. The rocks hanging off the sides also decided to pop up and scratch a lone elbow or shoulder, if you weren't too careful, and it was very hard to find your bearings._

 _The race back had been quite savage, with Astrid and the twins throwing insults over the hungry waters. You couldn't even hear them, they were swept away by the wind like the hair from your face, but they could still sense the insults._

 _"Watch where you're going," Hiccup had yelled above the yowling wind, cutting between the two dragons who had started getting a little unsettled._

 _"We are watching where we're going!" Astrid had cried back, eyes blaring with exasperation at the twins, who just snickered back._

 _"No you're-_ watch out _!" Toothless had screeched, as the pair narrowly missed a sharp edged rock, the edge of their saddle shrieking at the impact of rock on metal._

 _"Tuff, Ruff, get_ away _from that edge!" the startled boy had howled at them, as their green dragon had snuck closer to the wall._

 _"_ Astrid _!"_

 _The girl had gasped, ducking to just barely miss a cliff edge that had nearly taken her head clean off. It had taken just that second of distraction for Hiccup to miss the twins, who had also been distracted by the commotion, to look up and scream. Astrid and Hiccup had watched in shock as Ruffnut pulled right, and Tuffnut had pulled left, making the same mistake they always did. The dragon, confused, snapped their heads just avoiding a sea stack, managing to get stuck there with the rock holding them in the middle of their necks._

 _Ruffnut was saved by her legs hooked underneath the dragon's chin and firm grip on the horns, whilst the momentum had carried Tuffnut through the air like a pin ball. The wind was gratefully against them, breaking the twins speed a little, however not saving him from crashing on a cliff edge._

 _Ruffnut had quickly scooped the twin from his plummet, saving him breaking his neck. His rib, though, couldn't, and they had all had a panicked race back to the village, trying to control a worrisome Belch._

Hiccup swallowed, looking over at the bandaged twin, who had blacked out as soon as they arrived back at the village.

"He'll be fine," Astrid murmured, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. The boy gulped again, shaking a little but nodding.

 _So weak. So stupid, runt._

"I just-"

"Don't,"

"Feel so guilty," Hiccup breathed out, plopping down on a chair, with Astrid standing next to him.

"I am as much to blame, it was my suggestion,"

"Yeah, but-"

 _But she's good at everything. One slip up will slide behind her skills._

"But I approved of it, and I of all people shouldn't have. I usually wouldn't, but today- I just, don't know," he tilted his head, auburn hair covering his face as the tears refused to stop prodding his eyes.

 _Very weak, always so weak._

 _Come up with a better insult, would you?!_

 _But it isn't an insult, Useless. It's your description. But then again, I can grant your request. Now let's see, puny, feeble, frail, shab-_

 _I get it!_

 _You got it a long time ago._

"Hiccup, there's no use beating yourself up-"

"There is if I deserve it!"

 _Stole the words right out of my mouth._

"It was their own decision to go out with it, we had no idea the consequences would be this bad!" Astrid tried, receiving an unimpressed look from Hiccup.

"Yeah, and they would definitely choose the responsible thing. That's what I'm meant to do, and yet here we are, Tuff bed bound for a month!"

 _Well, you failed more miserably than I thought you would._

"Hiccup, you can't always look after everyone! They're their own person, you can't control what they can and can't do because in the end, they'll do it! You know how they are!" the shield maiden said quietly, drawing a sigh out of her friend. "You have to accept that at times their gonna get hurt, and you can't always intervene. Plus, they're the twins for crying out loud!"

"Yeah, but, I've been so inconsiderate these past days!"

"This is one slip up, Hiccup!"

 _She even admits your failure!_

"Yeah, but never this bad!"

 _Mmm, I wouldn't say that._

"Alright, so what do you mean by being inconsiderate?" Astrid reasoned, sliding to another point.

"I've been pushing you guys far too much, making you do drills and practice runs in case Alvin comes along. You've all been begging for a rest, and I haven't listened, so without any fun or breaks, they must have been craving for it. This must have been the reason why Tuff went so crazy when we set out!" Hiccup groaned, sinking farther into the chair as everything started to fall into place. At least to his mind.

"Hicc, that's not true-!" Astrid tried again.

"It is true! And will you just quick trying to mask the truth, it's getting fairly annoying, especially coming from you. I don't need pity!"

 _Welcome to my world Useless._

Hiccup grumbled under his breath, as Astrid was taken aback, her eyes narrowing slight whilst her mouth gaped slightly, eyes on her friend. She closed it, crossing her arms over her chest, stepping away from the heir and quietly walking over to check on Tuffnut, clearly showing this argument was closed. On her part, at least.

"I-I'm going for a fly," Hiccup stammered, hastily getting up from his chair, and walking off into the doorway, without Astrid's reply.

 _Not like she would care, anyway._

"Thank you, for that comment" he hissed under his breath, walking right past Ruffnut who was petting Barf and Belch on the edge of the balcony. She shot him a quick look of confusion and anger, as Hiccup walked towards Toothless who was perched on the roof.

"Hey bud, let's go for a flight!" the young Viking called up, catching his friend's attention.

The midnight dragon soared down, looking up at Hiccup questioningly.

"H-he'll be alright," Hiccup confirmed, giving Toothless a quick scratch under his chin. He heaved himself onto the dragon, nudging him forwards. "Let's just get out of here,"

 _Good choice, you need a head start before everyone comes after you with pitchforks._

"Let's go," he whispered down, receiving a nod from his concerned dragon. With that, they slid off the isolated house, gliding into the afternoon, away from the problems. Or so they thought.

* * *

 **Hey y'all! I've updated again! Two updates in a day! Oh Thor I am so bored, and just really am in a spurt of angsty mood. If that makes sense...**

 **Either way, I hoped you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope this doesn't feel too sudden, I'll try to work on slowly increasing it to make this angst work better.**

 **Anyhow, thanks for reading, and until the next chapter,**

 **Floof Out!**


End file.
